Meredith woke me up at 5 a.m. and I managed to stay in bed with her until around 6. We got up, I had coffee and oatmeal, and we played. I sat with her on the couch and finished a book while she chewed on her toys. It was good.

Then I cleaned the kitchen. I knew I’d feel better once that was done. I tidied up the living room, but that didn’t take long. I thought that I needed to sweep the floor, do laundry, and vacuum, but I didn’t feel like it right then. Meredith needed attention.

I picked her up and we walked around the house. We went into the extra room that I use for an office/craft room, and my head began spinning. I want to organize it. I want to work on several creative projects. I want to purge our house of the things we don’t need. I want to clean it from top to bottom. I want to read more books. I want to catch up on blogs and write and take pictures. I want to cook more and exercise. But I just have one day of free time, and Meredith needs me frequently. What should I do?

I walked out of the craft room. I sat down to write this. The dogs are barking and it is annoying me. I feel on edge. Anxious for no reason. I’m going to take a shower now, to clear my head.

So work went really well, except for one day where I left forty minutes late (not acceptable), but I suspect (but don’t want to believe) that I was given an easier-than-normal assignment and that this will not last. Well, whatever, I won’t think about that.

Yesterday at work everyone was supposed to wear pink for breast cancer awareness month, which is October. My manager even texted us all at 5:30 a.m. to remind us. And that’s fine and good and all, but my pink scrubs don’t currently fit. I tried them on and they were looking more like leggings. It’s pretty embarrassing when you outgrow scrubs, even fitted ones, I mean they have a DRAWSTRING. So I wore a pair of blue scrubs that do fit, and of course EVERYONE was wearing pink including the GUYS. That means that everyone was asking me, “Why didn’t you wear pink?” And I could have just said that I don’t own pink scrubs, except for the fact that I used to wear them all the time. So I had to spend the whole morning telling people about the baby weight I put on and haven’t lost yet. THAT was fun.

***

Enough about work. Let’s talk baby! She spends Monday through Thursday in daycare, and Fridays my mom is off work and keeps her. She did awesome. My dad drives around for work and was able to stop by and visit her every day, sending me a picture each time. Witness:

Monday: Dad feeds her a bottle (hence the drool)

Tuesday: The fuzziest hair of all time

Wednesday: Just chillin’ with Pops

Thursday: All the single ladies, put your hands up

And then there was Friday, when I made my mom text more than she ever has in her life to keep me updated. She sent me lots of pictures, but I couldn’t stop looking at this one:

The cuteness is overwhelming. First of all, her smile. Anytime she smiles I melt, but this is a serious grin. The squinty eyes, the dimple, the double chin, ahhhh. Secondly, the huge Astros onesie. It’s a size 18 months which is all my mom had at her house, because apparently what I sent her in got dirty and Mom didn’t want to try to put her in the backup clothes I sent since they said “up to 11 pounds” and Meredith is over 12 (even though, for the record, they totally fit). Finally, she’s sitting in a Bumbo! We don’t have one, so this was the first time she got to try it out and I’m so proud of her for sitting in it so well.

But back to daycare. I’m going to be honest and say that it feels very wrong to be dropping her off there all day. The first few times I didn’t know if I’d be able to continue to do it. BUT it has gotten easier. And the more I get to know the people there the more I like them. There are only three other babies there, and the director and assistant director are both very involved so I know she gets a lot of attention. One awesome thing is that they LOVE her cloth diapers! I thought I’d be lucky to find a place that accepted them, but it’s so much better that they are actually happy about it. And Meredith is happy there so far; my dad says that every time he comes by she’s smiling and content. So I know everything will be okay, despite my inability to not cry about it.

***

One day this week I thought, “I should probably check the mail.” When I opened our box all that was inside was a key to the package compartment, and when I opened that it was full of our mail. I was so happy, because this answered a longstanding question I had about what they would do if the mailbox became too full. I was also happy because in the mail had arrived three issues of Martha Stewart Living, one of Elle Decor, and a Rearz fitted diaper that I won in a giveaway. This particular diaper requires a cover, which I do not have. So now of course I must buy one. I’m thinking of getting the Thirsties Duo Wrap, but anyone have any thoughts on the matter?

***

I need to buy a dress for my brother’s wedding which is in TWO WEEKS. This is crazy because I never thought my brother would get married. But anyway, he is, and in two weeks, and I am the only bridesmaid other than the maid of honor, her sister. The bride has graciously allowed us to choose our own black dresses. I am looking for something with an empire waist (see: baby weight), in a silky material, and preferably with sleeves of some sort because her sister’s dress has sleeves and I want to kind of sort of match her.

Maybe something like this faux wrap dress with cap sleeves:

 Or this, which I really like better, but it’s strapless:

 I don’t know. And now I’m realizing that I’ll need to buy shoes also. Well if I MUST.

***

Oh! I forgot to mention another exciting thing. Up until this week my husband has been driving a truck and therefore we’ve only had one car with a car seat which makes things kind of difficult at times. We didn’t want to get a new car because we want to pay off our debt, but we were able to work out a deal with his dad and we ended up trading him our truck for his car. Now all we have to do is buy a car seat and then I’ll be able to drop Meredith off at daycare, take the bus to work, and then David can pick her up much earlier than I’d be able to. We want to get another convertible car seat, but since we have to buy this one ourselves, probably not another Britax like we have already. What are some good, economical choices?

***

Cooking during the week now? Not going to happen for awhile, until I really get into a groove. I’ll be able to stock up on some weekends, but not this one. I’m too tired, have too many other things to do, and we have other things going on for dinner. I feel a little bit bad about that since it means I’ll have to take frozen meals to work for lunch next week, but I need a break from something. And that’s okay.

***

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have about a million loads of laundry to do.

***

I’ve installed Google Friend Connect on my blog, and I’d love it if you click through and become a follower. I only have five right now including myself, and that’s just sad. :)

Also, coming up in the near future I’ll be launching an ancillary blog dedicated to books, reading, and other literary thoughts. Reading has always been my primary hobby and lately I’ve been getting into the whole book blogging culture. I want this space to stay dedicated to personal stuff and I don’t want to bore those of you who aren’t as interested in books, but I do want to explore that area of my life in more depth. I’m really excited about how it’s coming together, and I hope some of you will check it out when it’s ready!

***

Ever since the other weekend when I treated myself to a Starbucks mocha frappuccino I’ve been craving them. What I don’t crave is the $5 price tag, so I decided to learn how to make them myself. I had no idea it would be so easy. I’ve been using this guide from Savory Sweet Life except that I adjust it to taste which usually means extra chocolate syrup!

***

I bought new heels recently for a wedding, and this is something to be recorded because one of my 101 goals is to buy three new pairs.

They are the perfect height, are actually extremely comfortable (even pregnant – but notice the tiny amount of extra room since I know my feet will grow), and I love the peep toe and the cutout at the heel. I chose a beige/nude color because they’ll go with lots of things. The brand is LifeStride and I got them at Famous Footwear.

***

Today is the day that I finally break down and buy some more clothes. I’m not going for full-on maternity stuff, just some regular t-shirts, tank tops, sundresses, and yoga pants that I’ll be able to wear even when I’m not pregnant.

That’s it for now! Enjoy the rest of your weekend. :)

***

One. After not working for awhile I’m wondering, will I remember how to do this? Will I remember how to manage my time, how to do all my skills, will I remember to do all the little pieces of charting that we’re required to do? I’m also wondering, how will people react to me today? After my two weeks off not only did I get a chemical peel that is still in the stages of healing (I know there will be some funny looks), but I’ve also decided to start wearing a lot less makeup.

Two. Tomorrow I go in for an ultrasound to determine whether my follicles are ready, whatever that means. I have resisted the urge to Google the hell out of IUI’s because I don’t want to obsess over it, but it’s still hard to keep calm and think about other things. If all goes well I’ll be inseminated by the end of the week and in two weeks I could know for sure that I’m pregnant. That’s a weird thought. In two weeks the whole thing could have failed and I’ll have to deal with that disappointment. That’s a sad thought.

Three. My OpenSky shop is going to launch tomorrow, and I’ve still got some work to do before everything is set to go. Still, I’m excited to open it up to the public, so come back tomorrow to browse.

Four. Somewhere in between working, doctor’s visits, and taking care of my husband and dogs, I intend to keep running despite the heat. I’ve decided to keep playing soccer this fall, and I’m tired of being out of shape. I also miss yoga, so I’d like to start back up with that this week. (See, I have to make decisions regardless of what happens with the IUI. I can’t not play soccer because I think I’ll be pregnant by then; that’s just asking for failure.)

***

My thirty minutes are nearly up. Here’s hoping my first day of work goes well, and that I can stay awake till the end of my shift.

I’ve heard it said that you can tell what’s most important to you by looking at how you spend your money. In the past, I haven’t wanted to believe that because I was ashamed at all the frivolous things I paid money for, but I think it’s probably pretty accurate.

These days if you look at our bank account you’ll see that most of our money goes to our mortgage, other household bills, and food. I guess that’s the part of growing up that isn’t too fun. But even so, I think these expenses say something about us. We didn’t have to buy a house, but it was important enough to us to have a place to call our own, to settle down, and to have a yard for our dogs to play in. We don’t have to pay for cable and internet, but it’s our link to the world. We don’t have to give money to our church, but we believe that God gave us everything we have anyway, and our church is our family. It couldn’t support itself without the giving of its members.

Apart from those things, there is very little that I won’t deprive myself of in the name of saving money, especially now that we’ve started our new budget. But the following are the few things that I find myself purchasing no matter what, even now.

Lean Cuisines for lunch. I realize that these are relatively expensive to bring to work every day for lunch compared to bringing leftovers or making a sandwich. But I can’t tell you how much I love them, and the ease of just throwing one in my bag in the morning is a big draw.

Netflix. First of all, we don’t really go to movies anymore. $9 a pop? No thank you. Netflix is more expensive than using Redbox, but we do it for the selection. It’s our compromise. Right now we’re watching through some of our favorite TV shows that we missed the first time around.

The occasional new book. I’m a big fan of the library, and I’m also a member of Paperbackswap.com and Bookmooch.com, so I rarely have to buy books I want to read. But sometimes our book club chooses a book that is either insanely popular or brand new, and then I have to bite the bullet. If I can’t find it used, I go to Barnes & Noble because I still have a membership there.

Of course, what I really can’t live without can’t be bought with money. Love of family and friends, hope for a future, and a purpose for my life are some of those things. If I had those things, I could live on the street scrounging for food and make it through.

What about you? What can’t you live without?

***

This post is a part of 20SB’s Blog Carnival: Can’t Live Without, and Alice.com is awarding prizes to lucky bloggers and readers!

I hate wasting time. On my days off, I feel really disappointed in myself if I’m not extremely productive. It’s kind of ridiculous, because I know I need to just rest sometimes, but in general that’s how it is. Lately I’ve felt my life drifting into disorganization. A few days ago I realized that I’ve been spending time on too many things that I don’t care that much about, and not enough time on things that are important to me. I wanted to make some changes, but first I had to evaluate my priorities.

Work takes up most of my time now, of course. Apart from that there is time with David, occasionally time with family and friends, church stuff, and household chores/tasks. Those are all necessary, although the chores could be a bit more organized in their execution. There are two things that are important to me that I’m currently not making enough time for: reading for pleasure and Bible study. I do both, but not as much as I’d like to. So I’m determined to make the time, and here is my plan:

1. Change my alarm clock sound. I’m hoping this will keep me from pressing snooze so many times, giving me more time in the morning.

2. Every morning, over my bowl of cereal, do some Bible study. Lately I’ve gotten in the habit of checking my email during this time. I won’t let myself open my computer in the morning anymore.

3. On the bus to work use my phone to check my email and Twitter. I’d love to also use this time (which is about an hour) to read, but who am I kidding? I’d fall asleep in two seconds. Best not to fight it.

4. If I have any downtime at work, check Google Reader.

5. As far as blog reading goes, I realized that I’m following way too many blogs about things I don’t really care about. I want to read blogs written by people I am interested in personally, have a personal connection to, or that are well written. So I’ve gone through and purged my GR of those that I don’t think I’ll miss.

6. Read on my lunch break.

7. Read on the bus ride home (until I fall asleep).

8. I spent some time researching different “To Do” iPhone apps, and after much thought I downloaded one called “Things” for $9.99. This one is set up closest to the way I actually think, and it has some features that are important to me that aren’t available on free apps. It’s really helping me keep my thoughts clear so I don’t have to worry about forgetting something. I also downloaded a free app called “Lists” which is where I keep track of things I need to buy, grocery lists, wish lists, etc. I like to have this separate from my to do list. This app is simple and clean, and works just like I need it to.

9. Usually for my days off I write down a ton of things I want to get accomplished. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and I don’t know where to start. When that happens I ask myself the question, “What are the things that I’ll be mad at myself about tomorrow if I don’t do today?” I’ll make sure to do those things first, and if I don’t get to the rest I’ll feel comfortable putting them off until the next day, or whenever I have time again.

10. I don’t watch a ton of TV, but it’s something that’s easy to get sucked into. I have a couple shows that I like to follow, but I’m not going to let myself start a new show. I’ll still let myself watch Law & Order SVU reruns with David though, because it’s time spent with him. :)

I’m hoping that streamlining my life like this will free up some extra time that I can use to read, spend time with David, and learn how to rest without wasting time. Anyone else have any tips?

Anyway, Scott’s database is much more thorough than mine is, and he writes a synopsis and critique of each book whereas I just give a rating and occasionally write a short review. One of the books Scott has written about is Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. This is the first of a sci-fi trilogy which I read and enjoyed. It is sort of an allegory about a man, Ransom, who visits other planets. Scott writes about one encounter Ransom has with the species on this new planet. Allow me to quote him:

“Ransom has an interesting conversation with Hyoi at one point about memory in regards to sexual experience. The hrossa only have sex for procreation, so Ransom asks if they miss the fact that it happens so infrequently. Hyoi, however, claims that it is only by remembering something for years that the experience of that thing truly becomes complete. Clearly this is a very Catholic idea, but at heart it is very appealing. After all, I often find myself jumping from one new experience to the next (be it books, games, or life in general) rather than reflecting and contemplating what I have experienced in the past. In fact, this book database effort is an example of me realizing that and attempting in some way to deal with it. My hope is that, in time, my past experience with a book will become richer as I reflect upon it with greater wisdom and maturity.”

When I read that, I realized that I am the exact same way, especially with books. There are so many I want to read, so the very minute I finish one I pick up the next. Immediately, the impact of the last book is lost. Only a very few books do I re-read. The book club I’ve been in for over three years is helpful in that it gives me a chance to discuss the books we’ve chosen, but by the time we have our meetings it’s usually been weeks since I’ve read the book and have forgotten a lot of it.

I would love to write about books the way Scott is attempting to. I just don’t know if I can commit that amount of time to it. And what about the rest of my life? Do I ever take time to reflect? Well, sometimes. In the morning when I’m driving to work I make it a point not to listen to music, and I talk to myself instead. This blog forces me to think about my life in order to write about it coherently.

For Lent, which I never wrote about because my website was down when it started, I decided to slow down. I wouldn’t take on any new commitments, I would spend more time with my husband and my family, I would drive the speed limit, and every morning I would write in a prayer journal. For the most part I’ve done these things, and although I want them to be part of my lifestyle from now on, I’m not sure if they’re going to stick – except for the spending time with family part. That one’s easy, although my parents may protest otherwise.

I guess I’m just thinking about thinking. I want all my experiences to be full and complete. I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you read books? Do you take any intentional time to reflect on your life?