6:10 AM – Drop Meredith at daycare and linger for a few minutes.
6:14 AM – Leave daycare and start the drive to work.
6:56 AM – Park at the remote lot and get on the train.7:08 AM – The train drops me off.
7:14 AM – Arrive at work too early to clock in. Put things away in my locker and go get my patient assignment.
7:23 AM – Clock in on the computer and start getting things ready for patients to arrive.
7:45 AM - My first patient arrives.
8:20 AM – Start the infusion & go pump.
8:40 AM – Back at my desk I chart, check work email, and do open enrollment.
9:29 AM – Discharge patient 1.
9:35 AM – Patient 2 arrives.
10:10 AM – Discover one of my patients is in the hospital.
10:18 AM – There is a delay with patient 2 due to order clarification so I start on chart audits.
10:27 AM – My dad visits Meredith at daycare and sends me pictures!   11:05 AM – Infusion started on patient 2.
11:20 AM – Patient 3 arrives.
12:00 PM – Discharge patient 2.
12:15 PM – Patient 4 arrives.
12:37 PM – Start patient 4′s infusion.
1:04 PM – Start patient 3′s infusion (are you confused yet?).
1:05 PM – Pumping again!
1:25 PM – Eat lunch & read2:00 PM – Discharge patient 3. Chart & continue audits.
2:46 PM – Start second infusion on patient 4.
4:00 PM – Pass off the patient to another nurse and pump one last time.
4:13 PM – Clock out!
4:25 PM – Back on the train.
4:35 PM – In my car, headed a different route home due to traffic.5:27 PM – Arrive at daycare to pick Meredith up. Have a conversation with the afternoon worker about her cloth diaper sizes. (The afternoon lady has OPINIONS.)

I’d say the best way to stay happy at work is to love what you do. I’m a registered nurse, and I’m really glad I can say that I do love it. I work in outpatient oncology, and the bulk of what I do is administer chemo, blood products, and other IV medications. It’s different every day so I don’t get bored, challenges me mentally, and best of all allows me to meet people and affect them positively in the midst of tough circumstances. I’ve started making it my mission to give them a good experience in our clinic and hopefully begin or continue a positive relationship with them. When my patients are happy, it’s easy for me to be happy too.

Sometimes, however, I’m running late, I run into a lot of snags with a patient, things get hectic, I forget to drink water or don’t have time to eat lunch, I didn’t get enough sleep, etc. It’s during those times that I have to take extra steps to get through the day happily. They include:

>Coffee. I drink some every morning on the way to work, but if that’s not enough I’ll turn to the clinic pot for an extra boost.

>Gum. Sometimes it’s all I need to get a little burst of energy until I have a chance to sit down and eat.

>Ask for help. I’m not the only nurse there, and we’re a team. Lots of people are glad to help ease my burden.

>Vent. Whether it’s calling my husband or talking to a coworker, sometimes I just need to get out my frustrations and I feel better.

>Positive self-talk. I remind myself that I’m only there until 4 p.m., put myself in the place of my patients (immediate perspective), or remember all the great experiences I’ve had at work. I also try and think about something I look forward to, like picking up my daughter from daycare.

These are just some examples. How do YOU stay happy and engaged at work?

***
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So work went really well, except for one day where I left forty minutes late (not acceptable), but I suspect (but don’t want to believe) that I was given an easier-than-normal assignment and that this will not last. Well, whatever, I won’t think about that.

Yesterday at work everyone was supposed to wear pink for breast cancer awareness month, which is October. My manager even texted us all at 5:30 a.m. to remind us. And that’s fine and good and all, but my pink scrubs don’t currently fit. I tried them on and they were looking more like leggings. It’s pretty embarrassing when you outgrow scrubs, even fitted ones, I mean they have a DRAWSTRING. So I wore a pair of blue scrubs that do fit, and of course EVERYONE was wearing pink including the GUYS. That means that everyone was asking me, “Why didn’t you wear pink?” And I could have just said that I don’t own pink scrubs, except for the fact that I used to wear them all the time. So I had to spend the whole morning telling people about the baby weight I put on and haven’t lost yet. THAT was fun.

***

Enough about work. Let’s talk baby! She spends Monday through Thursday in daycare, and Fridays my mom is off work and keeps her. She did awesome. My dad drives around for work and was able to stop by and visit her every day, sending me a picture each time. Witness:

Monday: Dad feeds her a bottle (hence the drool)

Tuesday: The fuzziest hair of all time

Wednesday: Just chillin’ with Pops

Thursday: All the single ladies, put your hands up

And then there was Friday, when I made my mom text more than she ever has in her life to keep me updated. She sent me lots of pictures, but I couldn’t stop looking at this one:

The cuteness is overwhelming. First of all, her smile. Anytime she smiles I melt, but this is a serious grin. The squinty eyes, the dimple, the double chin, ahhhh. Secondly, the huge Astros onesie. It’s a size 18 months which is all my mom had at her house, because apparently what I sent her in got dirty and Mom didn’t want to try to put her in the backup clothes I sent since they said “up to 11 pounds” and Meredith is over 12 (even though, for the record, they totally fit). Finally, she’s sitting in a Bumbo! We don’t have one, so this was the first time she got to try it out and I’m so proud of her for sitting in it so well.

But back to daycare. I’m going to be honest and say that it feels very wrong to be dropping her off there all day. The first few times I didn’t know if I’d be able to continue to do it. BUT it has gotten easier. And the more I get to know the people there the more I like them. There are only three other babies there, and the director and assistant director are both very involved so I know she gets a lot of attention. One awesome thing is that they LOVE her cloth diapers! I thought I’d be lucky to find a place that accepted them, but it’s so much better that they are actually happy about it. And Meredith is happy there so far; my dad says that every time he comes by she’s smiling and content. So I know everything will be okay, despite my inability to not cry about it.

***

One day this week I thought, “I should probably check the mail.” When I opened our box all that was inside was a key to the package compartment, and when I opened that it was full of our mail. I was so happy, because this answered a longstanding question I had about what they would do if the mailbox became too full. I was also happy because in the mail had arrived three issues of Martha Stewart Living, one of Elle Decor, and a Rearz fitted diaper that I won in a giveaway. This particular diaper requires a cover, which I do not have. So now of course I must buy one. I’m thinking of getting the Thirsties Duo Wrap, but anyone have any thoughts on the matter?

***

I need to buy a dress for my brother’s wedding which is in TWO WEEKS. This is crazy because I never thought my brother would get married. But anyway, he is, and in two weeks, and I am the only bridesmaid other than the maid of honor, her sister. The bride has graciously allowed us to choose our own black dresses. I am looking for something with an empire waist (see: baby weight), in a silky material, and preferably with sleeves of some sort because her sister’s dress has sleeves and I want to kind of sort of match her.

Maybe something like this faux wrap dress with cap sleeves:

 Or this, which I really like better, but it’s strapless:

 I don’t know. And now I’m realizing that I’ll need to buy shoes also. Well if I MUST.

***

Oh! I forgot to mention another exciting thing. Up until this week my husband has been driving a truck and therefore we’ve only had one car with a car seat which makes things kind of difficult at times. We didn’t want to get a new car because we want to pay off our debt, but we were able to work out a deal with his dad and we ended up trading him our truck for his car. Now all we have to do is buy a car seat and then I’ll be able to drop Meredith off at daycare, take the bus to work, and then David can pick her up much earlier than I’d be able to. We want to get another convertible car seat, but since we have to buy this one ourselves, probably not another Britax like we have already. What are some good, economical choices?

***

Cooking during the week now? Not going to happen for awhile, until I really get into a groove. I’ll be able to stock up on some weekends, but not this one. I’m too tired, have too many other things to do, and we have other things going on for dinner. I feel a little bit bad about that since it means I’ll have to take frozen meals to work for lunch next week, but I need a break from something. And that’s okay.

***

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have about a million loads of laundry to do.

I’ve been having difficulty at work starting IV’s. I hardly ever got to practice this skill while I worked in the hospital, and now I have to do it several times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. I might be successful 50% of the time, but I don’t think it’s that much. It’s very embarrassing to keep having to ask for help with this.

On my way to work this morning I prayed that I wouldn’t have to start any. It’s almost Thanksgiving, I didn’t feel well, and I just wanted an easy day. Instead,  I had to start two IV’s–but I got them both on the first try. I think that’s better, overall, don’t you?

That and chocolate have improved my outlook greatly.

Study for (and pass!) the OCN exam.

This is a priority. I take the oncology certification test on November 30, and I really need to pass. First of all, I’m taking the day off work for it, and I will be SO embarrassed if I come back the next day having failed. But mostly, it cost $265 to apply to take, and another $250 for a review course. If I pass, I get reimbursed. That’s a big incentive.

Get Cleo back in shape.

My favorite pup has become a fatty. Recently I saw this picture of her from a few years back:

And this is her now (oh the shame):

So I’ll be upping the amount of walks and trips to the dog park and switching to “healthy weight” food. Poor girl can’t help it that she has a terrible metabolism.

Prepare for Christmas!

I’d like to go into December with a good handle on all things Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday, and I don’t want it to be stressful. These are some things I want to get done sooner rather than later:

• Finalize my wish list
• Figure out what to give my family and search for deals
• Have a complete list of names & addresses for people to send cards, and make significant progress on getting them out
• Learn to make apple cider
• Make an advent calendar (this will involve some very simple sewing but I am kind of petrified)
• Put up a tree and decorate!

What are you focusing on these days?

I wake up thirty minutes later in the morning (still 5 a.m., but at least I don’t have to see the number 4 anymore), I catch the bus five minutes from my house, and sleep or read on the way in. The building I work in is brand new. I have my own mobile phone while I’m there, with a number specific to me, which is very convenient when waiting on phone calls from doctors and such. The people I work with obviously like each other and I’ve already started to become friends with someone my age. They’ve even started planning their Thanksgiving luncheon; I’m bringing mac and cheese.

I have to be on orientation for a few weeks, so right now my days are fairly slow. Still, it’s exciting to come in each day and see what treatments we’ll be giving. We do a lot of chemo, iron, blood, lab draws, and injections. I get to form a relationship with the patients, but most of them are in pretty good shape since they’re outpatient, so overall it’s not too demanding. The documentation required is SO much less, and I leave every day right on time, instead of being forced to wait for the next shift to come on. It’s fantastic.

Even though I haven’t worked four days in a row (let alone five) in years, I don’t feel overwhelmed at the thought of going back tomorrow. I’m excited to have a whole weekend to look forward to, and then hopefully years of job satisfaction to enjoy.

But then this year happened. We had a miscarriage, David dealt with debilitating pain and got both of his hips replaced, I developed food intolerances, and sunk into depression. My job, in which I formerly thrived, became a huge source of stress to me. I was the chair of a single committee, and even that was too much. Eventually, as you know, I went so far as to take a new job–one that I hope will be calmer.

I’ve been feeling guilty about the decision. I’m not even thirty years old yet! I should have tons of energy! And yet here I am, wiped out at the end of every day, needing a regular schedule and less stress in my days. How am I ever going to be like Super Nurse?

But then I realized that I have no idea what her life is like outside of work. Her job could be everything, her whole identity.

I love being a nurse. I think it’s the perfect vocation for me, and it’s a fantastic profession. But it’s only part of me. I have way too many other interests and priorities to let it consume me.

I want to be home every evening and weekend when David is there. I want to be more involved in my church. I want to read more, to see more shows, listen to more live music, run more races, take my dogs to the park more, make my house look pretty, learn to cook, and I even want to watch more TV. I want to have children, for goodness sake.

I’ll probably never be like Super Nurse, but I’m okay with that. I’ll still be a darn good one.

***

One. After not working for awhile I’m wondering, will I remember how to do this? Will I remember how to manage my time, how to do all my skills, will I remember to do all the little pieces of charting that we’re required to do? I’m also wondering, how will people react to me today? After my two weeks off not only did I get a chemical peel that is still in the stages of healing (I know there will be some funny looks), but I’ve also decided to start wearing a lot less makeup.

Two. Tomorrow I go in for an ultrasound to determine whether my follicles are ready, whatever that means. I have resisted the urge to Google the hell out of IUI’s because I don’t want to obsess over it, but it’s still hard to keep calm and think about other things. If all goes well I’ll be inseminated by the end of the week and in two weeks I could know for sure that I’m pregnant. That’s a weird thought. In two weeks the whole thing could have failed and I’ll have to deal with that disappointment. That’s a sad thought.

Three. My OpenSky shop is going to launch tomorrow, and I’ve still got some work to do before everything is set to go. Still, I’m excited to open it up to the public, so come back tomorrow to browse.

Four. Somewhere in between working, doctor’s visits, and taking care of my husband and dogs, I intend to keep running despite the heat. I’ve decided to keep playing soccer this fall, and I’m tired of being out of shape. I also miss yoga, so I’d like to start back up with that this week. (See, I have to make decisions regardless of what happens with the IUI. I can’t not play soccer because I think I’ll be pregnant by then; that’s just asking for failure.)

***

My thirty minutes are nearly up. Here’s hoping my first day of work goes well, and that I can stay awake till the end of my shift.

Partial family portrait at the hospital

It was an interesting experience staying in the hospital with my husband for a few days and NOT being the nurse. Although there were a few frustrating moments, overall we had a great experience. We liked certain staff members more than others. And actually, I think the whole ordeal will make me a better nurse. Here are some things I learned:

• When you walk into a patient’s room, introduce yourself. Even if you’re not assigned to that patient and are just helping out, let the patient know why you’re there. About a million people came in and out of our room and we didn’t know who half of them were. It was strange.
• If you are taking care of a patient, let them know how long you will be there. They need to know who to ask for help. Also, it would be nice if you let them know when you’re leaving.
• If you have to wake a patient up in the early morning to draw blood, don’t do it by bursting into the room and turning on the lights. Here’s an idea: gently rouse them and let them know you’ll be turning on the lights so they can brace themselves.
• Remember what they taught you in nursing school: pain is what the patient says it is. Every patient reacts differently to pain medicine. Just because someone is getting what you think is a high dose, doesn’t mean it is effective. There is always something else you can do.
• If you see family pictures put up, comment on them. Ask who they are, say that the babies are cute. It’ll make the patient feel like you care.
• Just smile and be friendly already! You may be having a terrible day, but I guarantee your patients aren’t having the best day of their lives either. Your attitude makes a huge difference.

We were in the hospital for three days. The surgery went well, and although he had a pretty high fever every day, they can’t find any cause for it. It was a rough time, painful for him and painful for me to watch him in pain and not be able to do anything. If we thought we were intimate before, we had no idea. But every day David looks better, moves better, feels better.

We’re so happy to be home.

Her: Are you married? Let me see your ring. (Looks at ring.) Ooh, that’s so pretty! How long have you been married?

Me: About a year and a half.

Her: Aww, I bet he’s a good one.

Me: Yep. I love him.

Her: I think that’s so great. I’ve been married for sixty years now, and I still love mine. Of course when you get older it’s different. It was really hard when we found out that I had cancer, but you have to go somehow! My husband and I dealt with it and then he told me we’d just be together till the end. I told him we’d better be! He’d look like a dog if he divorced me now. And then he said he guessed it would make his widower possibilities pretty bleak.

Me: I’m glad you can keep a sense of humor about it!

Her: Well, you have to.