Title: Same Kind of Different as Me
Author: Ron Hall & Denver Moore
Genre: Memoir
Year: 2006
Acquired: Borrowed from the library
Rating:

One Sentence Summary: The true story of a wealthy couple who become deeply involved with a homeless mission and the unlikely friendship that develops between them and one of its residents.

One Sentence Review: A challenging, heart-wrenching story that made me think about myself & my world, my faith & marriage, and want to be a better person.

Why I Read It: This month’s book club pick.

Long Review: The book intertwines the story of Ron and Debbie Hall, a couple who became wealthy through the profession of art dealing, and that of Denver Moore, who grew up as a sharecropper’s son in what amounts to modern-day slavery and eventually ends up on the streets of downtown Fort Worth. As Ron and Debbie grow wealthier, they also grow apart to the point where their marriage nearly crumbles. But after an incredible act of forgiveness and revitalization, they become closer than ever and throw themselves into volunteer work at the inner city homeless mission where they meet Denver. Although he is hardened and hostile, Debbie has a vision for him and doesn’t give up until they have forged a forever friendship.

There are so many themes running through this story: marriage, homelessness, prejudice, pain & suffering, forgiveness, and faith, and my heart was touched by each one. I think one of the main messages was how one person can make a difference when there is incredible faith. Because Debbie saw Denver through God’s eyes and looked past his scary external appearance, he was changed and so was the city.

(Spoilers ahead!)

I don’t think it’s possible to read this story and not be moved. Debbie’s forgiveness of Ron after his affair, her amazing dedication to her vision for the homeless population of Forth Worth, and her subsequent battle with cancer had me crying many times over. It made me ashamed of my own prejudice, and I spent a lot of time thinking about what I can do to reach out. It also made me appreciate my marriage even more and redouble my efforts not to take my husband for granted.

In the end, it’s just the story of a few people and how their lives were changed by each other. As Ron says, “Even with my $500 European-designer bifocals, I cannot see into a person’s heart to know his spiritual condition. All I can do is tell the jagged tale of my own spiritual journey and declare that my life has been the better for having followed Christ.”

First, actively seek the presence of God.

I feel like I’ve drifted from this in the past year, spending so much time focused on myself and my struggles. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to pray constantly, to really study the Bible, and to think about spiritual things often. I’ve thought about how I can get back to this, and what I’ve come up with are a few specific things that, in my experience, cause me to feel more connected to my faith.

• This year, every third book I read will be faith-based. It could be a memoir, a study, or even Christian fiction, but when I read about God I feel closer to Him.
• I will try to always have some sort of Bible study going. Whether this is with a group or on my own, I need to have some dedicated time to spend learning about God.
• I will spend more time listening to worship songs. Music gets into my soul, and it can change my thoughts and attitude.

Second, take on my own Happiness Project.

Several of my friends have read the book by Gretchen Rubin, and they recommended it so highly that I obtained a copy for myself last year. There is a chapter for each month with a different focus, all eventually to help you be happier with your life. Last year I spent too much time being depressed, and I want this to be the year of happy. So I intend to read a chapter of this book each month and do my best to carry out its intention.

Then there are the other things I’d like to accomplish…

Mainly I’d like to have a healthy baby, but that’s out of my control for the most part.

I’d like to get back to exercising regularly, although that will mean more swimming and yoga and less running and biking.

I’d REALLY like to get our house fixed up before having a baby, and that will be a huge focus of my time until then, but I know it might not happen completely due to time and money. Still, we’re going to try.

I’d like to get back to blogging regularly, taking more pictures, and at least attempting to edit them.

And then there’s my list of 101 goals in 1001 days, which I’d like to continue to make progress on.

That’s it I think! Here’s to a happy, fulfilling 2011.

***

Images: ♥ ♥ ♥

I was crushed, but I didn’t have time to process it properly because I had to go straight to work. I worked until past 11 p.m. that night, and had to be back at 7 a.m. on Saturday. When I came home on Friday I went straight to bed hoping for at least a few hours of sleep, but instead I tossed and turned, and inevitably I started to cry. I prayed and wept and soaked in my disappointment until sometime in the early hours of the morning I fell asleep.

Come Saturday morning I was back at work, exhausted but alive. That day I found solace in my job, taking care of people in much worse situations that I’m in. I began to see the need for a different attitude, because this infertility isn’t just going to go away and I fully realize that it could be a struggle that we deal with for years and years. I can’t bear the thought of feeling the way I feel for that long.

When I finally had some time on Sunday I was searching around online for a Bible study geared toward infertile couples, and I came upon this blog post titled “What does the Bible teach us about infertility?” It hit me hard, and here are some quotes that stood out to me:

Be committed to fervent prayer concerning issues with infertility. It is God, not human technology that opens the womb.

I don’t know why, but I haven’t really been praying for this. I freely ask others to pray for me, and depend on those prayers, but when it comes down to it why don’t I have faith that God can do this for me?

While struggling with infertility, pride and jealousy are especially bothersome sins. I am not more worthy of conceiving than a teenager, welfare mom, or a mom that already has a lot of children. In God’s economy, our worth is identical.

I have spent way too much time lately feeling sorry for myself and being envious of other people. There are situations popping up all the time that have fostered the bitterness in my heart, and it’s not a pleasant way to live.

Don’t complain to others (not even your husband) about your lost dreams and sorrows. I am not talking about being dishonest with others. But there is a huge difference between stating, “We are praying for a baby,” and complaining. Complaining is grumbling and insinuating that God has not been fair. It makes others uncomfortable and, more importantly, misrepresents God. God is sufficient to carry your burdens; leave them at the cross.

It is all too easy for me to sink into depression when I feel my dream of having lots of kids slipping away. That’s where I was headed on Friday night. I believe in being transparent with others regarding my struggles, but I want to be clear that God is enough for me. He has already blessed me with so much, and I want to be a witness to the joy that hope in God gives despite difficulty. I don’t think I’ve done a good job with this lately.

Even as I write this I am praying and willing my attitude to change because I’m still feeling very sad. When it comes down to it, though, I don’t want to be sad. My husband told me the other day when I was depressed, “Kathleen, I love you, and we are going to live a happy life together.” Right now the only thing preventing me from being happy is me. Having a baby won’t fulfill me; only God can do that. All the joy I could ever want or need is found in Him, and He needs to be my priority.

And who knows but that He is preparing us for something special, beyond our wildest dreams.

I don’t think it’s just me; I think everyone is afraid of something, especially during these precarious days. This book deconstructs some common fears one by one, such as fear of not mattering, of disappointing God, of worst-case scenarios, of what’s next, of not protecting your kids, and that God is not real, for a few examples. He then goes on to show how that fear is misguided and unnecessary, and gives advice and encouragement in how to overcome it.

I had never read a book by Max Lucado before this one, and I can say that it was certainly inspiring and uplifting. It caused me to look at myself in a different way, and raised questions that might not have otherwise come to the surface, at least not without difficulty. The reason why I’m saying that I liked this book and I didn’t love it is that it struck me as somewhat brief. The chapters are short and easy to read, and because of that some depth is lacking. I think a workbook or study guide would be a helpful addition.

Overall I definitely recommend it, if for no other reason than to help you take a fresh look at yourself and your fears.

***

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

I’m thrilled to bring you today’s guest post and a new, semi-regular feature around here. Megan is one of my best friends of all time and someone I feel genuinely blessed and privileged to know. Really, you should be jealous. She writes about her own crazy vagabond life with her husband Peter and beagle Bono at theklines, but she will be making appearances here every so often to share some thoughts on faith and life. She has an M.Div from Princeton Theological Seminary, currently lives in Edinburgh, Scotland, and her words always move me in just the right way. I’m kind of in love with her, and you will be too.

***

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that one lays down one’s life for one’s friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know the master’s business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that you learned from my Father I have made known to you (John 15:12-15).

I do not live in America right now, and I have not spent much time there since April of last year.  But I still consider it my home and so I feel an obligation and desire to stay in touch with it in the way I feel an obligation and desire to keep in touch with my family.  My primary means of doing this is by perusing various American newspaper websites and listening to any story concerning America that happens to be piped through the BBC.  One thing is for sure: Americans love to talk about something they call “family values.”  These values range from a concern with a particular definition of marriage to the manner in which children are raised.  It encompasses so many dimensions of American life—from the paying of taxes to the intimacies of one’s bedroom.  While it is exceedingly difficult to find any two people who agree upon a precise definition of “family” or, for that matter, “values,” it is abundantly clear that Americans care about family values.

As I understand it, families are valuable to society for many reasons—the procreation of children and the propagation of the human species, the basic unit of human categorization (useful for taxing and census purposes), the initial human community wherein traditions and skills are passed down, etc.  But ever more increasingly, I have begun to question if our valuing of families precludes us from our responsibility to another essential dimension of human relationship.  That is, why is friendship so underrated?  Why do we never hear pastors preach on friendship, politicians never run on platforms of friendship-valuing, and media outlets never seek to be “friendship-friendly”?

I obviously don’t have the answer to this question, but I do have a theory.  That is, I suspect that we disregard friendship because, quite frankly, we have no “use” for it.  We do not organize our society around friendships, we do not tax people according to their friends, and we do not contribute anything to society through our friendships.  Friendship arises mysteriously and surprisingly.  It is a relationship based upon the delight we experience in the presence of another.  It inspires mutual joy, mutual love, mutual respect, and mutual appreciation.   In friendship, we are utterly free to be who we are.  Friendship is the only human relationship that exists for its own sake.

Perhaps this is why I am so stunned by the words of Jesus from the gospel of John.  Here, in the middle of what is referred to as Jesus’ farewell discourse, Jesus—the one Christians believe to be God incarnate, God as Human, as one of us—calls us friends.  We—Jesus’ students, followers, believers—we are Jesus’ friends.  We are not Jesus’ servants, going about the mess of blindly obeying some aloof master. We are Jesus’ friends.  It is a relationship arising mysteriously and surprisingly.  It is a relationship based on the delight of one another.  It is a relationship of mutual joy, mutual love, mutual respect, and mutual appreciation.  It is a relationship of utter freedom; it is a relationship that exists for its own sake.

Contrary to popular imagination, we do not exist in some relation to a distant divine presence that makes demands of us and expects us to be of some use.  We are instead—counter-cultural as it is—friends of God, intimately cared for and enjoyed by the creator of the universe.

Not from the heavy soil

where blood and sex and oath

rule in their hallowed might,

where earth itself,

guarding the primal consecrated order,

avenges wantonness and madness—

not from the heavy soil of earth,

but from the spirit’s choice and free desire,

needing no oath or legal bond,

is friend bestowed on friend.

–excerpted from Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s poem, “The Friend.”

It was somewhat expected by this point, although the disease conquered her in just a few months. The family wanted an autopsy done, not because they didn’t know why she had died, but because she was the kind of person who would have wanted her death to mean something. They wanted as much knowledge to come out of it as possible.

I know that I come into contact with death more than the average girl, but each time is uniquely difficult. Today I felt the stark contrast of the new life that is taking shape in my body with the bleak scene in front of me. As I gently cleaned my patient’s body and wrapped it in the shroud, my hand reached idly to touch my forehead, where the trace of ashes still remained.

Remember that you came from dust, and to dust you will return.

Things to be thankful for:

• My hopes and dreams – even the fact that I have them
• My voice
• My brothers and I turned out the way we did, and that we are friends
• I was raised in a Christian home
• I am a daughter of God
• I have access to resources (money, food, etc.)
• I am athletic and somewhat talented at a sport I love
• Musical influences and songs that impact me
• God can provide fulfillment in seemingly meaningless things
• My intellect
• Nice weather
• I am convicted of my sins and have a strong conscience
• It is a joyful thing to worship God
• My parents love me so much
• My education
• God’s word is available to me
• God is who He is
• Simple pleasures such as eating, sleeping, sneezing, hot water
• Health
• When God makes things happen that need to happen, even I’m too stubborn to do it
• Friends who are completely real with me
• Suffering (helps me grow)
• New friends whose hearts are in the same place as mine

Of course now I have to add some more things:

• My handsome, loyal, intelligent, loving, sensitive, and compassionate husband David
• Our home
• Our families are friends with each other and all live nearby
• Our dogs Cleo and Eddie, who I never get tired of petting
• The wonders of the Internet and how it enables me to stay in touch with dear friends and make new ones
• A challenging and fulfilling vocation
• Books, books, books
• My church family

Once you get going listing all the things you have to be thankful for, it’s hard to stop. It’s overwhelming to be so blessed. But even if I lost everything, I’d still be grateful, because I have God. With him, the best is always yet to come, and that kind of hope is priceless.

• “Indescribable” – in a different key and a little more laid-back than the original since we only had an acoustic guitar
• “With Every Breath” – one of my all-time favorites, and one my voice is perfectly suited to
• “Awake My Soul” – my brother sang awesome harmonies
• “Doxology” – a classic

We got a lot of compliments which is so nice and encouraging, but not the reason we do it. I am trying to convince my brother to play with me once a month or so.

This afternoon was my sister-in-law Kim’s baby shower. She is due to produce a new Forbes boy sometime in January. It was fun to see a bunch of David’s relatives and to dote on baby gear. And Kim got me a perfect hostess gift:

Now I can avoid those coffee spills in style!

This evening I got a chance to tidy up the house, do laundry, and take care of some household business. I feel much better about starting the week when those things are done. Tomorrow is a 12-hour day, and when I come home I will be watching the Texans with my husband. I am okay with this, even though the Dancing With The Stars finale is on at the same time, because I have Tuesday off and I can just record it and watch it alone then.

It’s not quite 8 p.m., but I’m going to wrap this up and get ready for bed because that is the smart thing to do. Hope everyone had a lovely weekend, and I’ll be back tomorrow with some more nonsense!

It was my first day of clinical at a new hospital. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I had stayed up too late the night before. I didn’t feel extremely anxious, but my body begged to differ.

I was in a patient’s room with the nurse I was following, when I began to feel slightly nauseous. Then, my heart started racing. Soon I was nearly hyperventilating and I didn’t know if I could stand up any longer. Embarrassed, I excused myself and went to the break room to sit down. It took me 30 minutes to recover.

Thankfully, the episode hasn’t repeated itself since then. I don’t struggle with chronic anxiety or depression, although several people near and dear to my heart do. But I have some particular things in my life going on that cause me to tense up, some situations that cause me sadness and worry, as well as dealing with day-to-day stress. When I showed up to the one-day women’s retreat for my church last Saturday and saw that the topic was “seeking God’s peace,” it didn’t jump out at me at first. But honestly, who doesn’t need more peace in their life?

I went to a very pacifist college, and I have done entire studies and book reports on the concept of peace. But this retreat was not an exercise in theology. It was this:

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. –Corrie Ten Boom

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. –Mark Twain

Peace is a gift of God, and God is the only one who has peace to give. –John Hagee

When I was 21, long before I met my husband, I went through a very bad breakup with a boyfriend. Think the opening scenes of Legally Blonde, where Reese Witherspoon expects her boyfriend to propose and then he breaks up with her instead. The details aren’t important, but up until then I hadn’t experienced anything so devastating. Obviously, in hindsight, the whole ordeal was a blessing. The great thing was, though, that it was a blessing at the time as well. Yes, I was miserable for months and scarred for years. But I can honestly say that I don’t think I’ve ever grown as much spiritually as I did then. Somehow, during all that turmoil, God granted me peace.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart! I have overcome the world. –Jesus, in John 16:33

The following song was written by JJ Heller, in the midst of her struggle with panic attacks. It was played for us at the retreat, and now it will always be special to me.

No matter what is going on in my life, I know that my good God has it under control. He’s got it. And that’s enough to bring me peace.

David was fascinated. He started reading the comments and quoting them to me. Example:

Nihilus hands down. Revan had powerful control of the Force but he also had a massive military at his side for his conquests. Vader is a pawn of the Emperor and has no real control but is still strong. The rest have real strengths and positive features but Nihilus has absolute power of the force so much that he doesn’t need a large army for defense. Also he can kill all life on a planet without any real effort, something I’ve never seen another Sith Lord do. Death Star doesn’t count.

He couldn’t believe how people devote themselves to a world that isn’t real, in his opinion “throwing their lives away.” He went on and on about how ridiculous it is. My response?

It makes me want to watch Star Wars again.

David stared at me open-mouthed. Finally he ran his hands through his hair and said, “I don’t know how we ended up married.”

Of course he was kidding about that last comment, but the point is that we are very different in many ways, and this is one of them. David has no tolerance for fantasy and science fiction, and I consider them two of my favorite genres. He doesn’t understand that just because I enjoy losing myself in another world it doesn’t mean that I’m dissatisfied with my own real life. I love my life.

But fantasy gets me dreaming. It gets me longing for something more. I believe in God, in heaven, and in everything that comes with that, and I think C.S. Lewis described it best in my favorite sermon of all time when he said “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” Additionally, so many themes in fantasy and sci-fi echo the ultimate struggle between good and evil, and look forward to the day when everything will be made right.

My pastor and I recently got into a discussion about the Twilight series, which I am proud to say I let him borrow my copies of, and he gave me his take on why the books are so popular. He said that usually when he reads anything having to do with romance, he naturally relates to the man, being himself a man. But in this case, he found himself relating to Bella, the awkward and flawed girl. (Hopefully he’s okay with me writing this, and if not…eh.) Edward is supernatural, he is powerful, beautiful, almost too good to be true, he is fiercely protective and loves unconditionally. He is not meant to be a symbol of God, and some would vehemently argue against this, but I think the reason the books are so popular (because come on, they’re not that well-written) is because we humans were created first and foremost to be loved by God, and Edward displays many of the characteristics that we long for.

You won’t find me at any Star Wars conventions in the near future (because I, too, believe there is a line that probably shouldn’t be crossed), but you will certainly see me at a showing of New Moon. And now you know why.